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Asteroid Terror Plot
« on: 2006-06-27 16:36:14 »
Asteroid Terror Plot Averted
Space attack timed For America’s Independence Day
Source: Palm Beach Post
Authors: Frank Cerabino | Tuesday, June 27, 2006, 08:20 AM
Refer Also: Lunar & Planetary Lab, U Arizona
|In what is seen as a vindication of the warrantless surveillance of the Solar System, the Bush Administration announced this week that is has foiled a terrorist asteroid plot aimed at destroying America’s annual Fourth of July celebration this year.
|The asteroid, known as 2004 XP14, is believed to be possibly as large as a mile in diameter. It will pass our planet on the morning of July 3, precariously close in space distance — about 270,000 miles, the distance to our own moon. Information here.
Administration officials, speaking on the condition they not be identified as Karl Rove, stressed that the “wannabe” destroyer of America did not ever pose a threat, but was obviously aimed to terrorize the U.S. on its Independence Day.
“The heat generated by one of these primative yet deadly attacks can generate enough energy to simultaneously desecrate American flags in several swing states,”
Ro the official said.
“It just goes to show how resourceful Al-Qaeda is, and why our anti-terrorism efforts are paying off.”
|Al-Qaeda connection to asteroid?
Democrats, fearful of being seen as soft on terror, have so far been willing to allow the Bush Administration to claim the near-miss as a victory in the war on terror.
“There will be a special place in hell for XP14,” said U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton.
|Caught between a rock and a jihad place
According to the source, the asteroid’s path was detected by an undercover FBI astronomer, who posed as an Al-Qaeda scientist and administered the Al-Qaeda oath to XP14 as soon as the big rock breached the edges of our Solar System.
“After the oath was administered, and it continued to make a path right toward us, we knew we were on to something,” the source said.
|Collision averted by prayer
Once the terrorist asteroid was detected, the source said, the president convened his inner-circle of strategic evangelists to “pray away” the asteroid, knocking it slightly off its path — enough to make it miss the planet by a hundreds of thousands of miles.
“It just goes to show,” the source said. “Our God is stronger than their God.”
|Civilian scientists skeptical
That explanation, however, has been challenged by the Minor Planet Center, in Cambridge, Massachusetts, which monitors potentially hazardous asteroids, such as 2004 XP14, and claims that this asteroid is actually just one of 783 it has been monitoring.
The astronomers say there’s no link between near-miss asteroids and Islamic terrorists. And that the next near-miss asteroid will pass by Earth on April 13, 2029.
“Are we going to make that one a terrorist plot, too?” one befuddled astronomer said.
“Scientists from Massachusetts?” retorted right-wing pundit Ann Coulter. “What do you expect? These are nothing but elitist, pointy-headed left-wing nerds who hate America.”
Republicans in the U.S. House of Representatives filed legislation to require American scientists to take a loyalty oath.
The asteroid plot comes days after the Administration got a bounce from the arrests of a small gathering of Bible-study, housing project Miami-area men, who practiced martial arts in a warehouse and sold African-American hair care products in the neighborhood.
|The men, part of a self-styled, ideologically muddled group they called Seas of David, were conflated into Al-Qaeda terorrists by an undercover FBI informant.
The informant, who was not affiliated with Al-Qaeda, administered a fake Al-Qaeda oath to the men, and gave them a video camera so they could shoot footage of American buildings they might like to blow up some day — if they only had boots, weapons, cash, and a memory chip for their camera.
The arrests of the fake Al-Qaeda men by the fake Al-Qaeda operative was called a “significant investigation” in the war against terror, and it is believed to have emboldened the Bush Administration to come forward to announce other success stories in the continuing war on terror.
“The important thing right now is for Americans to carry on with their Fourth of July plans,” the source said. “We have saved the American people from this wannabe terrorist asteroid.”