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Blunderov
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100 Great Books in Haiku
« on: 2007-02-11 12:20:46 »
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[Blunderov] Brevity is the soul.

100 Great Books in Haiku by David Bader
Penguin books
ISBN-10:0-670-91577-7

1
The Cantebury Tales
Geoffrey Chaucer

Pilgrimmes on spryng braecke -
roadde trippe! Whoe farrtted? Yiuw didde.
Noe, naught meae. Yaes, yiuw.

2
The Iliad
Homer

Sing, Goddess, of how
brooding Achilles' mood swings
caused him to act out.

3
Oedipus Rex
Sophocles

Chorus: Poor bastard.
Oedipus: This is awful!
Blind Seer:Told you so.

4
Remembrance of Things Past
Marcel Proust

Tea-soaked madeline -
a childhood recalled. I had
brownies like that once.

5
Phaedo
Plato

By Zeus, Socrates!
It seems you're right once again!
Time for your hemlock.

6
The Odyssey
Homer

Aegean forecast -
storms, chance of one-eyed giants,
delays expected.

7
De Revolutionibus Orbium Caelestium
Nicholas Copernicus

Guessus whatibus?
Earthus orbits the Sunnum!
Ptolemy doofus.

8
Beowulf

Hrothgar's hall,      haunted.
Dauntless Danes die.    Grendel-gored.
Why not      hrelocate?

9
Meditations
Marcus Aurelius

As grapes become wine,
so must one accept one's fate.
Die well. Like a grape.

10
The Inferno
Dante Alighieri

Abandon all hope!
Looks like everyone's down here.
Omigod - the Pope.
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Blunderov
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Re:100 Great Books in Haiku
« Reply #1 on: 2007-02-12 07:08:26 »
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[Blunderov] More brilliant witticisms from David Bader.

11
Moby Dick
Herman Melville

Vengeance! Black blood! Aye!
Doubloons to him that harpoons
the Greenpeace dinghy.

12
Bleak House
Charles Dickens

Fog, gloom, men in wigs –
The Chancery Court blights all.
See where law school leads?

13
The Prince
Niccolo Machiavelli

What I learned at court:
Being more feared than loved – good.
Getting poisoned – bad.

14
Discourse on Method
Rene Descartes

If I think, I am.
If I don’t exist, how do
I know about me?

15
Clarissa, or, the history of a young lady: comprehending the most important concerns of  private life and particularly showing the distresses that may attend the misconduct both of parents and children, in relation to marriage.
Samuel Richardson

To Miss Howe: send help!
I’ve been raped in Volume Six
With three more to go.

16
The Epic of Gilgamesh

Part god, part mortal,
Offspring of a mixed marriage
King Gilgamesh copes.

17
As I lay dying
William Faulkner

Addie: I’m dyin’.
Darl: I’m nuts. Mules: We’re drownded.
Anse: Need me some teeth.

18
Robinson Crusoe
Daniel Defoe

Alone for twelve years,
Then a footprint in the sand.
Thank God! A servant!

19
Madame Bovary
Gustave Flaubert

Poor foolish Emma,
Ruined by romance novels.
Could haiku have helped?

20
The Wealth of Nations
Adam Smith

Supply meets demand.
The invisible hand claps.
Capitalist Zen.
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Re:100 Great Books in Haiku
« Reply #2 on: 2007-02-13 12:12:24 »
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[Blunderov]
It is better to trust the ear
Than count the syllables
Honestly.

More from David Bader.

21
Das Kapital
Karl Marx

October winds blow.
Your contradictions doom you,
capitalist swine.

22
The Histories
Herodotus

Go tell the Spartans –
The Persian hordes are fierce and
wear funny slippers.

23
Gulliver’s Travels
Jonathan Swift

Thus I was first great,
Then small and much vexed to learn
That size does matter.

24
Little Women
Louisa May Alcott

Snowdrops hang like tears.
Shy, sweet, saintly Beth has died.
One down, three to go.

25
Lord of the Flies
William Golding

‘Kill him! Spill his blood!’
Marooned boys hold savage rites.
Choirboys learn to prey.

26
The Count of Monte Christo
Alexander Dumas

Gallant avenger.
Egg-dipped cheese sandwich. Thy name
Is Monte Cristo.

27
Waiting for Godot
Samuel Beckett

Act 1. ‘It’s hopeless.
My boots don’t fit. Where is God?’
Act 11. The same thing.

28
Brideshead Revisited
Evelyn Waugh

Gay Catholic toffs –
what else to expect from a
man named Evelyn?

29
Don Quixote
Miguel de Cervantes

Dusk – the windmills turn.
Is the Don mad, or are we?
No, it’s him alright.

30
Hamlet
William Shakespeare

‘His mother wed his
dead murdered father’s brother!’
Next Jerry Springer.
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Re:100 Great Books in Haiku
« Reply #3 on: 2007-02-28 17:00:08 »
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[Blunderov] David Bader continues. ( Do I imagine it or are there some shades of Ogden Nash from time to time?)

31
The Scarlet Letter
Nathaniel Hawthorne

Grim, grey New England -
all adulterers receive
free monogramming.

32 (Bl. My personal favourite)
Metaphysics
Aristotle

Substance has essence.
Form adds whatness to thatness.
Whatsits have thinghood.

33
Candide, or, Optimism
Voltaire

A naive young man
learns that bad things do happen
to smug philosophes.

34
Wuthering Heights
Emily Bronte

Wild. Strange. A bit damp.
Heathcliffe waits for Cathy's ghost.
Women. Always late.

35
Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica.
Isaac Newton

Cherry blossoms fall
with Force equal to Mass times
Acceleration.

36
Lady Chatterley's Lover
D. H. Lawrence

On the grounds, fresh game.
On the new gamekeeper, fresh
Lady Chatterley.

37
The Jungle
Upton Sinclair

Slaughterhouse karma -
the dying ox returns as
Durham's Potted Meat.

38
The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
Edward Gibbon

From (1) rule (2) to (3) ruin.(4)
Rome's (5) last (6) words (7):Help! I've fallen
and can't get up. (

1 Tertullian. Apol. c 6 p. 80.
2 In the 2nd century of the Christian era, this ancient and reknowned power, the Imperium Romanum, amplitudae quae fruit Roma - you know, Rome - held dominium over lands spanning three continents, from ocean front property in Spain to valuable time share in the Euphrates valley it's gentle yet powerful influence comprehending the most civilized portion of mankind and most of the best restaurants.
3 Pliny the Elder Hist. Natur. 1 v1. c. 32. Also Pliny the Younger, Letters, v1, xiv. In fact the whole Pliny family agrees on this.
4 For such was its state when Rome, suffering from its own immoderate greatness, it's aims achieved by conquest undone by misrule (Bl. My, doesn't that sound familiar?) its martial spirit enfeebled by religion, its defences breached by barbarism, its head throbbing and its tongue fuzzy from a major post orgy hangover, (Bl. My, doesn't that sound familiar?) moaned, staggered a few steps, and just keeled over. For more on the orgies, see Lacivius, De Perversitate (Leyden ed.)
5 See fn. 2, supra. Seven Hills. All roads lead to it. Enough said.
6 The sedulous reader, feeling the exasperation of a long journey whos destination seems ever out of reach, anticipating tha the attainment of the goal may require some fortifying infusion, following th example of the author who, himself, has needed a bracing libation on not a few occasions, particularly during his digression on Bulgarian armaments, may find it salutary to avail himself of the revivifying powers of spirits, perhaps a double.
7 For a few words on the decline of the Eastern Empire and the career of Mahomet, including his summer jobs, see volumes V - V1.
8 'Succerre! Cedici nec, surgere possum.'

39
Old Goriot
Honore de Balzac

His two spoiled daughters -
they don't write, they don't visit.
This is gratitude?

40
Crime and Punishment
Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I, Rodya, killed her
to prove my theory. Uh oh.
Back to square oneski.




« Last Edit: 2007-02-28 17:05:08 by Blunderov » Report to moderator   Logged
Blunderov
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Re:100 Great Books in Haiku
« Reply #4 on: 2007-05-07 04:31:39 »
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[Blunderov] Some more of this rather nice stuff.

41
The Life and Opinions of Tristam Shandy,Gentleman.
Lawrence Stern

I've torn out line two.

Reader, it was dull.

42
Lolita
Vladimir Nabokov

Lecherous linguist -
he lays low and is laid low
after laying Lo.

43
The Critique of Pure Reason
Immanuel Kant

We are born knowing
circles to be circular.
We just don't know it.

44
The Cherry Orchard
Anton Chekhov

Their bankrupt estate
sold to a former servant.
Nobles down, serfs up.

45
Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison.
Michel Foucault

Carceral discourse
polyvalently deployed.
Hot air gently blows.

46
Reflections on the Revolution in France
Edmund Burke

Rights of man? Humbug!
And ladies? I pine for you,
Marie Antoinette.

47
Frankenstein
Mary Shelley

A mad scientist
creates a ghastly Monster
who just wants a hug.

48
The Metamorphosis
Franz Kafka

'What have I become?'
Uncertain, Gregor Samsa
puts out some feelers.

49
1984
George Orwell

Love is a thoughtcrime.
The Thought Police make Winston
forget whatsername.

50
Phenomenology of the Spirit
George Wilhelm Friederich Hegel

Thesis: A whole pig.
Antithesis: Butcher shop.
Synthesis: Schnitzel.


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Re:100 Great Books in Haiku
« Reply #5 on: 2007-05-16 14:52:19 »
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[Blunderov] More of David Bader's marvelous wit and erudition.

51
The Tale of Genji
Lady Murasaki Shikubu

Two wives, ten consorts -
under the wisteria,
many warm futons.

52
The Life of Samuel Johnson
James Boswell

That night, as we supped,
he roared 'Pass the salt, blockhead.'
The great man liked me.

53
Jane Eyre
Charlotte Bronte

Oh woe! His mad wife -
in the attic! Had they but
lived together first.

54
Doctor Faustus
Christopher Marlowe

A scholar trades a
few fun years for endless Hell.
Maths was not his field.

55
Two Treatises of Government
John Locke

Orange butterfly
you have no divine right to
be called the 'monarch'.

56
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Plagues, incest, madness,
human pig children. Dios!
Where does the time go?

57
Tartuffe, or, The Imposter
Moliere

They try to outwit
a self-righteous hypocrite -
the first sitcom writ.

58
An Essay on the Principle of Population
Thomas Malthus

People multiply,
food does not. The good news is
there are wars and plagues.

59
War and Peace
Leo Tolstoy

Guns roar, Russia burns.
Where's Andrey? Who is Petya?
Confused, France retreats.

60
To the Lighthouse
Virginia Woolf

Boy, death, art, earwig-
summer at the beach recalled,
minus some details.







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Re:100 Great Books in Haiku
« Reply #6 on: 2007-05-21 02:32:15 »
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[Blunderov] Another 10 to make y'all smile.

61
Being and Nothingness
Jean-Paul Sartre

Gentle Left Bank sun-
blubirds chirp their empty songs.
We are all condemned.

62
Ivanhoe
Sir Walter Scott

'Who dat fine knight be?'
asked the saucy Moorish wench.
'Dat be Ivan, ho.'

63
The Mayor of Casterbridge
Thomas Hardy

Undone by his past -
he once sold his wife and child.
Nobody's perfect.

64
Relativity: The Special and General Theory
Albert Einstein

Cherry blossoms fall
at light speed through curved space-time
and land with a thud.

65
The Magic Mountain
Thomas Mann

The TB 'restcure'.
Haus Berghof. Death, Eros, and
all meals included.

66
Kama Sutra
Vatsayana

Advice for those in
a difficult position.
First be flexible.

67
Walden, or, Life in the Woods
Henry David Thoreau

Morning: Pond-gazing.
Afternoon: Berry-picking.
What a hectic day.

68
Saint Joan
George Bernard Shaw

Strange girl, hears voices.
but, by Jove, even in death
she lights up a room.

69
The Importance of Being Earnest
Oscar Wilde

Earnestly posing
as Ernest, Jack learns he's named
Ernest in earnest.

70
Siddartha
Hermann Hesse

The Cycle of life -
as with spicy vindaloo,
all things return. Om.

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Re:100 Great Books in Haiku
« Reply #7 on: 2007-05-30 19:20:09 »
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[Blunderov]This is the last of the wine,
the lingering dregs.
All things must pass.

71
The Catcher in the Rye
J.D.Salinger

I flunked out again.
Crumby prep schools. Bunch of dopes.
Boy, I'm not kidding.

72
The Origin of Species
Charles Darwin

Galapagos finch -
the same beak as Aunt Enid's!
A theory is born.

73
The Great Gatsby
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Beauty to weep for -
coral, azure, apple green.
His custom-made shirts.

74
The Social Contract
Jean-Jaques Rosseau

All vote. All consent.
It's like a big family.
Not mine, but someone's.

75
Father and Sons
Ivan Turgenev

A nihilist dies
without having achieved much.
Mission accomplished.

76
Nana
Emile Zola

Paris Courtesan-
in her salon, men admire
her French Empire chest.

77
Also Sprach Zarathustra
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Kindness is weakness!
Abhor pity, worship strength!
Be an uber-jerk!

78
Finnegans Wake
James Joyce

Riverrun on and
by Jaisus s'dense! Bien alors,
scribbledehobbl.

79
Vanity Fair: a Novel without a Hero
William Makepiece Thackeray

No title, no wealth.
Stil, Becky climbs in Mayfair.
But how? Lying helps.

80
Portrait of a Lady
Henry James

Will she inherit?
Which suitor will she marry?
When will tea be served?

81
The Varieties of Religious Experience
William James

Let's be pragmatic.
Saints,monks, mystics - their faith works.
So what if they're nuts?

82
The Tin Drum
Gunter Grass

A shrieking, drumming
dwarf winds up in a madhouse.
It's a long story.

83
The Wild Duck
Henrik Ibsen

She has shot the duck!
No, Hedvig has shot herself.
[offstage, relieved quacks.]

84
Utopia
Thomas More

An austere commune-
'Utopia'. It's Greek for
'Nice, if you're a monk.'

85
Paradise Lost
John Milton

Oe'r and oe'r God warned,
'Eate not th' Apple!Man dids't and
God ballistick went.

86
Brave New World
Aldous Huxley

Euphoric drugs, sex,
cloning, the past forgotten.
So what else is new?

87
The Grapes of Wrath
John Steinbeck

Okie exodus -
Ma Joad's fambly keeps movin'
Where are the darned grapes?

88
Faust
Johan Wolfgang von Goethe

He's damned - no, he's saved!
For German engineering,
another triumph.

89
Heart of Darkness
Joseph Conrad

The darkness darkened.
Oh, the horror, the horror.
It was horrible.

90
The Interpretation of Dreams
Sigmund Freud

Old pond. Frog jumps in.
Repressed sexual desire,
clearly Oedipal.

91
The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious
Carl Gustav Jung

A patient says he
sees the phallus of the sun.
But then, who doesn't?

92
The Wasteland
T.S. Eliot

April, cruel month!
Zerstort. Damyata. Shantih.
And May's no picnic.

93
Essays
Michael de Montaigne

Genteel French musings -
life, death, odd smells, my moustache.
Today's topic: Thumbs.

94
The Call of the Wild
Jack London

Alaskan tundra -
a dog finds his inner wolf.
White snows turn yellow.

95
Middlemarch
George Eliot

Stifling social roles,
small-town gossip - beware the
eyes of Middlemarch.

96
The Sun Also Rises
Ernest Hemingway

'Why can't we?' she said.
'War wound,' I said. 'Oy,' Cohn said.
Back to Harry's bar.










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