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Topic: virus: ...my atheist origins, as i thus salute the pope. (Read 551 times) |
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DrSebby
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virus: ...my atheist origins, as i thus salute the pope.
« on: 2005-04-20 08:55:14 » |
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...I find this slightly funny and an intersting question for any devout
theists out there: the origin of my atheism....after hearing so much about
the pope, i can't resist.
...when i was about 7 yrs old, my mother(a catholic school attendee) sent
both my sister and me to summer bible school...most likely to have a few
minutes to herself (such things are healthy for woman...to have a few hours
of time to herself each day, i am certain it made her happier and more
supportive when we were around her for endless hours each day). while at
bible school, i would fraternize with my fellows and have a grand old time:)
the church leaders were so stuffy and uncomfortable in their own skins
that it was hard not to just laugh at them as pitiful idiots who had
somehow, uncomfortably reached adulthood. although i was fearfully
respectful of them for their elder status, i wasnt very interested in their
far-fetched tales of ancient and metaphorical figures. unwittingly, i could
sense that the characters in the stories were quite metaphorical...as in a
nursery rhyme. but they bribed us with jellybeans to memorize psalms. i
barely cared enough to do just enough to get the jellybeans...and let me
tell you, i LOVED jellybeans at the time! i dont believe i actually thought
of the stories as 'real', since they were so far fetched and placed in
historical settings i had yet to learn about. i just assumed that there was
this 'god' thing, and that there was this 'loving' jesus out there with
flowing golden hair and blue eyes wanting to love everyone. but as soon as
i got home, i would think of my train set, chasing and tormenting chickens,
forcing kittens to participate in "kitten olympics" with my sister, and
drawing various instruments of war and big dogs and monsters.
i passively assumed there was a god. and stangely enough, as time went
by...i heard of the concept of the second coming of christ and all that....
....now this might seem hilarious, but as some point nearing 12 yrs old, i
started wondering if i might not be the chosen one! could it be? i kept
my secret suspicion quite secret...at times thinking that i might be having
secret one sided conversations with god himself! i was rather impressed
with myself, naturally....after all, i could very well be the second coming
of christ!!!! odd, how i reveled in the possibility of such power and
supremecy=) a funny revelation occurred when my father mentioned without
provocation that he had thought the same thing when he was a boy in
hollywood...i guess the instruments of intoxication and manipulation are
timeless and universal=)
....as time wore on, and age granted wisdom, i wasnt thinking along these
lines so much. i now thought more of my 'personal' relationship with
god....in retrospect, more like a secret friend to a popular superstar. i
was still fascinated with the possibility that i alone had a secret
connection with 'him'...my life was odd enough at the time that i could
entain these ideas...traipsing back and forth between a small island and the
high seas of alaskan fishing, at times i would feel so alien to the peers i
knew that my suspicions were reinforced sufficiently. such things seemed
plausible in my childish mind. certain moments such as riding on the
bowsprit of my fathers sailboat through stormy seas off mexico would lend me
slice of natural beauty such that such thoughts were entertained.. slowly
these narcissistic imaginings would fade....
...until one day i happened upon a book fair at the local catholic church
(which i had never attended except for easter).....while pouring through the
various books, i was 15, i came across a college workbook/textbook on
astronomy....i bought the little bastard for 50cents and took it home. a
painful summer of alaskan torture awaited me, it would offer me much solace.
...once i started reading it and doing the various exercises, i was stunned
to find that so many questions that religion had attempted to answer were
crisply and clearly defined in very logical mannerisms here. as i
progressed through the book, i kept getting this feeling that after so many
difficult questions had been answered, there werent many left ....and those
seemed so heavily pointed towards, i quickly gave up my waning interest in
gods and embarked on finding the remaining answers. at age 15 1/2 i was
essentially an atheist...but without recourse...and this was a bit
unsettling. but my search continued. after many years of putting peices
together and answering many questions, the few that remained were big ones.
the culmination perhaps was in a bookstore in brasil in 1992 where i found a
laymans expose by Isaac Azimov on the origins of the universe and quantum
theory which gave me the final clue as to how the very first particles of
matter might have come about...and it made instinctual sense to me....i had
always had an amazingly focused talent at pattern recognition, and i had
made a blind guess as to how or why things might have come about. Azimov's
presentation of quantum theory fit perfectly with what i had vaguely
suspected all along. It was at this point that i became a true and fervent
atheist.....one who will, at my deathbed, still be happy to say, "fuck your
imaginary god, i will now die and resume my mindless oneness with the
whole". i will be sad to likely lose self-awareness...since it is capable
of so much fun...but then, i really wont will i? =-) my new faith is in
the future of humanity...which is admittedly, the only thing i would give my
life for. and would do so with no more than 3 seconds of hesitation...i AM
allowed a last thought afterall, eh?
anyone else care to tell the tale of their atheism in honor of the new pope?
DrSebby.
"Courage...and shuffle the cards".
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"courage and shuffle the cards..."
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Walter Watts
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Just when I thought I was out-they pull me back in
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Re:virus: ...my atheist origins, as i thus salute the pope.
« Reply #1 on: 2005-04-20 11:22:58 » |
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Enjoyed that, old friend.
Walter
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Walter Watts
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No one gets to see the Wizard! Not nobody! Not no how!
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Blunderov
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RE: virus: ...my atheist origins, as i thus salute the pope.
« Reply #2 on: 2005-04-20 14:44:32 » |
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Dr Sebby
Sent: 20 April 2005 02:55 PM
anyone else care to tell the tale of their atheism in honor of the new
pope?
[Blunderov] Nice story Doc. Strong voyage metaphor.
Apparently (I was only told about this much later) in my first year at
school I caused quite some consternation by announcing in class that I
didn't believe that God created the world because "where did he stand?
I might have caused less of a sensation had I pissed in the staff-room
teapot. In South Africa in the 1960's, atheism, even a whiff, was
synonymous with (the much dreaded) communism. My parents were called in
for a meeting with my 'teacher' and the principal, but I don't know what
transpired.
Never did like school much, then or later. Which was a pity - I might
have really got into it. Especially maths - I truly regret that now.
Best Regards
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ElvenSage
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Re:virus: ...my atheist origins, as i thus salute the pope.
« Reply #3 on: 2005-04-24 03:54:02 » |
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I enjoyed that as well, and as my story might not be as interesting-- it has something simular involved. For a brief time 12-13, I thought that I might have been some super-natural being, like a god, but not the second coming of christ. 
Anyways, around that same time I had a friend who had an extreme christian upbringing. He of course, as most christians do, tried to convert me every single day that I spoke with him. This was my biggest turn off to christianity. He bugged me so much, I started to -hate- christianity. It got to the point that everytime he'd try to push a view onto me, I'd question it. However this did not stop my interest in spirituality.
At the age of 14 I met this person whom I thought was totally amazing. Her name was Elise. She was a girl who came from Seatle to Topeka, KS. It was a crazy change for her to say the least. She was the first 'goth' I had ever met. Being that Klansas is pretty closed minded, people started spreading rumors about her, saying she sacraficed goats and weird shit like that. Well, instead of scaring me-- it interested me. Thus I approached her and we became good friends, best friends actually. She was into Pagan religions and such during that time in her life, and had many books on the subject. And boy! What was cooler than magick?! So, I began to read them. I read everything from the satanic bible to "Teen Witch." I began to practice Wicca during my late middle school years. My mother one day found my 'alter' and various ritual equipment and had a total fit. She through -everything- away. She then tried to force me to start going to church. Again, another major turn-off for Christianity. As any teen, I rebelled, and continued my practices.
The end of my 8th grade year, infact 2 days after school was out, I became an atheist. How? I just took a walk outside. The bright sun woke me up that morning, and I decided I wanted to walk outside. I went out in nothing more than my boxers, and just looked around at my surroundings. Then I said out loud, "I'm lying to myself." Everything seemed to be so clear in that moment. There was no magick, there is no god... everything just is, and there is a logical reason for everything being the way it is.
In 9th grade I had a great biology teacher. I knew of evolution before that, and I believed in evolution even when I was a theist, however I didn't have a full understanding at that point. The teacher focused on evolution a large part of the time I was in biology because there was the threat (and still is) that they are going to take the teachings out of Kansas schools. (There is another vote on it next month, and it doesn't look good, the board of education asked for the names of those supporting evolution so they can pray for those individuals.) Evolution made since to me, and reinforced my belief in no god.
Then I found the CoV. I lurked around for about 6 months before I actually signed up. I thought this place seemed cool, but didn't want to get involved in some weird cult. So I lurked around, and read the posts on the forum on a weekly basis. And boy, was there loads of posts that fueled my imagination: posts about nanotech, immortality, singularity, space, religion, philosophy, logic. Eventually I felt comfortable enough to sign up and post-- and here I am today, a devout atheist, member of the church of the future: the CoV.
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Safe from the pain and truth and choice and other poison devils
See.. they don't give a fuck about you, like i do.
Just stay with me, safe and ignorant,
Go back to sleep
Go Back to sleep
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