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Hermit
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Body parts
« on: 2002-04-23 05:59:18 » |
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Body parts
Thanks to American science you really can cheat death - or bits of you can. And at a price, of course
Source: The Guardian
Authors: John Sutherland
Dated: 2002-04-22
See also: FAQ: Cryonics, medical or embalming technology?
Non omnis moriar, says the Latin poet: not all of me will die. So which body parts do we want to live after us? In America it's a growth industry - thanks, largely, to the internet. The current favourite for carnal savers is the umbilical cord. It is traditionally the first part of the body to die - tossed away at birth as human offal. Primitive societies honour the cord for what it is - a lifeline all the way back, child-to-mother, to our primal ancestress - Eve, if you're a creationist; Ms Monkey if you're a Darwinist.
Symbolism apart, the cord turns out to be a rich (and ethically neutral) source of science's most recent elixir vitae - stem cells. Preserve those few inches of wet string and they may preserve you when, later in life, you need replacement bone marrow or some immune system repair.
Any number of companies will (for a fee) preserve your baby's U-Cord and its precious fluids. Viacord - "The World's Largest Umbilical Cord Blood Bank" - will take care of it for less than $1,000 (£700) a decade. Check it out on www.parentsguidecordblood.com.
For many men the next body part to go the way of all flesh is the foreskin. I have often wondered what the mohel (the knife-artist trained in the Jewish rite of circumcision) does with the severed fragment after the bris. Snipped gentiles of my generation were routinely reassured that even the royal male members were foreskinless. Baby Charles was, reportedly, done by a moonlighting mohel, Dr Snowman. Diana insisted that William be spared the blade but, according to the tabloids, the fearless prince elected to have the surgery himself, aged 15.
I have searched but do not find any company offering long-term foreskin preservation (although I understand the Catholic church has a few shriveled specimens, relics of celibate sanctity). I did, however, turn up something on a bad-jokes website.
A surgeon retires after years at the cutting edge in the circumcision ward. He has an extensive collection of foreskins and takes a few hundred to a leathersmith to make a souvenir. The craftsman fashions a wallet. "All those foreskins and only a small wallet?" exclaims the surgeon. "Yes," replies the leathersmith, "but stroke it and it becomes a briefcase." Surgeons, of course, earn top dollar. Nurses in the C-ward probably have to get by on minimum wage plus tips.
Semen banking is big business in America. The attractions of storing your most precious bodily fluid for a rainy day are self-evident. After chemotherapy, testicular cancer, unwise vasectomy, terminal droop, death or, worse, a John Wayne Bobbitt situation, your partner can draw on your seminal savings.
The technology has been perfected for animal husbandry purposes. Human semen withstands refrigeration and is easily stored. Cost? Around $10 a month. Visit the website of the "Pioneer in the Cryocenter Concept", Cryobanks International, for details.
If you are brilliant, later generations may want to replicate you (male winners of the MacArthur Foundation's so-called "genius grants" are, urban legend has it, invited to disseminate for posterity). If you qualify for this premium banking service try www.geniusspermbank.com.
The only part of Einstein to be preserved is his genius brain. It has, unfortunately, been pickled - not perfused and dunked in liquid nitrogen as the cryonicists recommend. Most of us believe that our personalities - what makes us "us" - are located in those few pounds of porridge-like tissue between our ears. When that dies, we die. Omnis.
Cerebral cryopreservation is expensive but, if you are into life extension, it's the essential savings account. Depositing your brain in the brain bank is one thing; withdrawing it in functioning order is, however, something else. Reanimation from cryonic suspension doesn't yet work. But why not take a gamble on the ingenuity of science? Walt Disney did. Going rates for neurosuspension are: whole body $130K (Walt's choice), whole head $50K, whole brain a snip at $25K.
Any number of American brain banks offer their chilly services to potential organ savers. You can get details from the market leader, Alcor (www.alcor.org).
So there you have it. U-Cord, seed or grey matter. Those are the parts of us that need not die - at least, not if you believe the salesmen. And if anyone asks you about the future, you can always say you've got a little bit put by in the bank.
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With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg, 1999
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rhinoceros
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My point is ...
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Re:Body parts
« Reply #1 on: 2002-04-23 13:03:10 » |
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Quote from: Hermit on 2002-04-23 05:59:18
But why not take a gamble on the ingenuity of science? Walt Disney did. |
There are several sites out there claiming that Disney's cryonic suspension back in the 60s is just an urban legend and presenting evidence such as cremation papers. It could be true and it could be false.
Of course, what really happened to old Wally does not make any difference. I am just being pedantic.
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Hermit
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Re:Body parts
« Reply #3 on: 2002-05-18 01:22:03 » |
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Refer also the FAQ section: "FAQ: Cryonics, medical or embalming technology?"
Regards
Hermit
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With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg, 1999
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