Lukian The Wizard
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ponderance on the soul -TenebraeUnus
« on: 2003-04-26 06:01:59 » |
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A friend, [TenebraeUnus], asked me to post this for him while he was waiting for his password recovery email (oops, hey we all do it sometimes!).
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In my life, I have always been led to ponder, to be more thoughtful. Depression does wonders for that mindset, I have found.
I was taking a break from Max Payne, which was getting Frikin Hard, because something was leaking my memory, and it was lagging like hell? I got fragged pretty bad because of that. Anyway, I decided to watch the box? TV, not my computer. A medium, so called because it is neither rare, nor well done. Ernie Kovacs. Hmmm? I started flipping through the guide, after determining there was nothing on from channel flipping?. Yes, I know, the logic is flawed, but it?s a habit. Started checking out what else was on. Charmed. I don?t watch it as a rule, but the description. By the way, its fucking cold in my room, and its frikkin April?. Hmmm? anyway? AHHHH the hamster dance, I have over 6gig of songs and it picks that? change song, change song?. Tatu ? all the things she said? fave at the moment, very? interesting. Anyway. Where was I? oh, yeah. I looked at the description. It went along the lines of: ?Page goes back in time to a fairy tale where she meets herself in a past life as the evil sorceress?? riveting stuff, yeah? Hmm?.
So that got me thinking. I?m not of any religious denomination, least of all Christian, by the way, so I?m fairly open to ideas about the cosmic scheme of things. If you could in theory be a totally different type of person in a different life, if that is indeed the way it works, and the buddists are right, then really, what would your soul be then? Because if you can be evil and nasty in one life, and nice and motherly in the next, or in my case, probably nice and happy, and in the next cynical and depressed? sorry, off topic. So if you can be so totally different in outlook and personality in different lives, and technically these are what your soul is meant to be made up of, and your souls is the only thing that get carried along in the reincarnation process, then what exactly is your soul?
I figured it cannot be outlook or personality, because that is a most definite by-product of your life and experiences. For example, if you did not have the memories of your life, do you really think that you would really be the same person you are now? Then again, that asks to beg the question of, what am I then? Am I just a collection of memories, utterly pointless in nature? Don?t go into that one too much, it gets kinda depressing, real fast, or as fast as your mind allows in any case.
I no longer remember who I am. I cannot remember who I used to be. I can remember certain details of my life, incidents at school, vivid dreams, things people said most definetly, but I cannot remember who I used to be. I cannot even figure out who I am at the moment. I mean, I?m Joshua Frederikus Hogendorn, but I?m also TenebraeUnus, a name I consider me more than my one by birth, which I despise. And depending on my mood, I can be Ruzhyo or Zmeya. So then what does that make me? My favorite one is ?TenebraeUnus ? The One Darkness? translated roughly. Its actually more like, ?The Unique point of endless darkness?. That?s seems to appeal to me, it fits. So is that my soul? I don?t think so, for I figure that if I hadn?t had the experiences I have, I would not be like this, I didn?t used to be. I don?t think anyway.
So some people say it is your essence, but is your ?essence? really you if it can change so much? What?s an ?essence? anyway? I don?t know. I?m going to go ponder on this subject a bit longer, ill release a continued version when I get around to it.
Well, I?m back. Was playing Unreal Tournament 2003 and was getting bored, as I had 4 perfect victories in a row. So I took a break, put on some music, and decided to work on this doco a bit more. By the way, to thou who art reading, have you ever heard any classical gas? Music I mean. Its really good, I really like it, my friend matt got me into it. Anyway? actually, just re-reading over that, did you know that all those these and thou?s and such which is meant to be either ?religious speak? or ?medieval shakesperian? is actually the informal language, not the formal one it is presumed to be nowadays, as the language has evolved. Interesting isn?t it? Now, back to the topic?
I still cannot figure out what an essence is though. Seriously, the closest thing I can get is your predisposition to certain aspects of your personality developing. But it still doesn?t answer what your soul is. I think I may indulge my self and tell a little story. It might help.
There was once a theory about the afterlife, which, if it exists, went like this, and I quite liked it, as ever since I was little, I?ve been trying to reconcile all the different religions. I mean, they cant all be right? And I doubt that even 1 is right, but this wrapped it up neatly.
A girl is on the verge of death. And in that instant of decision of life and death the cosmos has, and which can last an eternity or a mere moment (Perspective is everything), she finds herself on a battlefield. Thousands of soldiers lie dead around her, all wearing skins, and metal hats with horns. She becomes aware of someone standing next to her. A tall figure, clothed in black, like a shadow. She knows who this is immediately, and unlike someone else who would be terrified by even thinking about meeting the incarnation of death, she is curious. She asks, ?what is this??. The figure replies,
?This was a battle, a wage of war, many years before you.?
?Why were they fighting?? she asks.
?It is of no consequence. Only that they are dead matters, and I am here to free them.? Thanatos, the incarnation of death replied, as he produced his infamous scythe. He gestured with his hand, and she could see a filmy representation of each body floating above its mortal coil. They seemed to be distressed, and the cause soon became clear. They could not escape, they could not continue to the afterlife, for they were still attached to their mortal bodies. The scythe swept through the bonds of one, and he was freed, and gently floated upwards. Soon a large woman on a horse with wings, singing mightily, came and swept him away.
?What was that?? asked the girl.
?That was a valkyre. These are Vikings, and they believed that on their death in glorious battle they would be carried away by valkyries to their heaven, a great hall full of drink and merriment?
?But how, I, mean? is that really how it is then?? the girl looked worried, for she was a christian by birth, and believed in her own heaven.
?No, it is simply what they believe, so to them, it is so.?
The story continues beyond that, maybe one day I?ll tell it in full. It?s a really interesting tale. In any case, it shows a point. It is so, because it is what they believe. That would allow for all religions to be somewhat right, in a fashion. Then again, perspective is everything, and I know someone will disagree on me with that. I personally am open minded about an afterlife, I guess I?ll know when I get there. But it demonstrates a point about the soul. If maybe the Buddhists are wrong, that means that we get one chance, and then we are stuck with how we are, for all eternity in the afterlife. That?s a scary thought?wait a sec, I?ve lost myself? and I cant find myself? now that?s a bugger. Train of thought de-railed over a bottomless cliff?. Hmmm?. Nup, im completely lost. Ill try to pick this back up again later.
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He would appreciate any comments or guidance.
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