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EP: How to chat up women
« on: 2004-08-04 18:20:06 » |
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How to chat up women
By Tom Rymour
Mon, 02 Aug 2004
http://iafrica.com/highlife/hislife/opinion/338979.htm
As an apprentice rogue male you may think that women must be pursued. Alas, it's a fallacy. You can stand on your head and whistle Dixie, recite the whole of 'Eskimo Nell', or captain Bafana Bafana — it means nothing. Neither does a well-flourished gold card, if you're the wrong man.
She chooses, you see. You don't. You are the one who's under appraisal. And nobody can appraise like a woman. To see this quality at its most unguarded and fearsome, sneak a look at a woman as she's preparing to leave the house, giving herself the once-over in a long mirror. Grave, uncompromising self-scrutiny. If she ever aims that gaze directly at you, you know you're toast.
Women are NOT romantic. Ignoring the odd example of what Barbara Trapido's Noah calls "tremulous quim introspection," women show more endurance, courage, adaptability, maturity and pragmatism than men. Whereas under that testosterone facade, most men are Mills-and-Boonish. Mummy's boys, every man jack of 'em.
Now listen, hombre, and I'll tell you how a mummy's boy can score with a mamacita.
What is she looking for? Only she knows — some of the time. And as for you, you'll most likely never know. A boyish demeanour, handsome face and athletic body are of little importance to her, outside the world of fantasy. Sure, little girls get crushes on Johnny Depp, but that's strictly school bus gossip — we're talking about grown-ups here. Unlike you, her choice of mate is not largely based on good looks — for which all rogue males should express everlasting gratitude.
There is a key to her behaviour. No, it's not in that cute commercial crapola about men and women, Mars and Venus (are gays from Ganymede and transexuals from Titan?). Rather swot up on Primatology and Evolutionary Psychology. Read 'The Lemur's Legacy' by Robert Jay Russell, subtitled 'The Evolution of Power, Sex and Love'.
The thesis is that we are still controlled by primate reproductive behaviour patterns that evolved more than 50 million years ago. These instincts are virtually impossible to resist, yet most humans are unaware of the concealed mainspring that drives us. We may think we're damn smart, and indeed we are, but we've only been that way for 70 000 years, a mere gnat's eyelash-width in the infinite landscape of evolution. That's why Evolutionary Psychology solves many of the conundrums that perplex the rogue male — a zoological title which was not idly chosen.
A female primate has all her resources banked for a fixed term in one solitary ovum; but a male squanders spermatozoa by the zillion. She's the one with a heavy responsibility laid on her by nature; an unwise choice of mate means extinction. So while she's sussing you out in her ancient way, don't push. It does you no harm if you're helpful, truthful, amusing or a good dancer. If and when you have passed probity, as they say in the casino business, she will give you the green light in a way that will have you convinced that the whole thing was your doing.
Until that moment, study her primate behaviour for signs of interest. Open body language is one, fussing with the hair is another. Be cautious about those dazzling smiles — they could be flirtation — innocent or malicious. But if her pupils are dilated, you're getting warmer; and if she stands in front of you, grinning, with her head tilted at an angle of approximately 34 degrees from the vertical — you're home and dry, my son.
I shall say more about the Evolutionary Psychology in future; but next time, I'll be telling you what NOT to do when you're under appraisal by a female primate of the Cenozoic Era.
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