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Self-Criticism Breeds Insecurity by Brian Gladu
« on: 2003-12-03 13:03:32 » |
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Self-Criticism Breeds Insecurity
by Brian Gladu
Insecurity is a "disease." It eats away at the very core of a person. It is an emotionally degenerative and extremely painful but, thankfully, curable malady.
What may start as nothing more than a "normal" dose of self-consciousness about an aspect of who a person is, if left unchecked, can easily turn into nagging self-criticism. Habitual self-criticism chips away at self esteem which, in turn, lowers confidence.
Once confidence and esteem have been reduced to a certain level one can become snagged into a continuous downward spiral which pulls it's victims deeper and deeper into feelings of self-worthlessness, anger, and depression.
At it's worst, insecurity affects not only a person's emotional well being but every aspect of that persons life. Every new situation, person, and opportunity is viewed as a threat to who he/she is rather than an opportunity.
What begins as a cancer affecting only the most inner realms of a person's psyche soon spreads to damage interpersonal relationships with friends, co-workers, family, and of course romantic partners. Mild delusions of conspiracy, suspicions of betrayal, competitiveness, and extreme jealousy surface in ways that drive people away leaving the person isolated with his own self-mutilating thoughts.
Since feeling inadequate and inferior is not an at all pleasant state of mind, it is often more comfortable for someone to run from these feelings by blaming others, attacking others, picking on others, using addictive mood enhancers, feeling sorry for himself, etc. The frustrating thing is that these very things, which appear to provide a solution or, at least an escape, actually end up damaging self-esteem and confidence even more!
This is of course insecurity at it's most extreme. Hopefully, you aren't able to identify with too much of the above. But, trust me, you can slip into this "downward spiral" much faster and easier than you might believe.
Such a process of emotional degeneration can be sparked by nothing more than a carefully aimed zinger about your manhood by an ex-girlfriend or maybe harmless teasing about the shape of your head from a buddy. It doesn't take much.
What begins as nothing more than a tiny seed can, if given the right conditions, then root itself firmly in the back of your mind. From there it is capable of rapid growth and damage.
How can you nip insecurity in it's early stages, before it becomes problematic?
First, don't give the "seed" a place to grow. Some people have a special place in their mind where they store every bad thing that has ever happened to them and/or every negative comment that every idiot they ever met made about them.
What purpose does this serve? Does this help you in any way? Do you save your trash? No? Then why would you keep this "garbage" around?
Next, become aware of how you internalize the events unfolding in your life. Suppose you are out with your buddies and you decide to approach a lady. When you get blatantly rejected what kinds of things are you saying to yourself as you walk back to your friends with your tail between your legs?
"I am the most retarded doofus who ever lived, just like my Grandma used to say when she tucked me in bed every night," would, obviously, be a bad thing to keep repeating to yourself.
Become aware of this "self-talk" and you may be surprised to find that you are, without realizing it, saying surprisingly negative things to yourself throughout the day. You have a dialogue running in your head 24/7, don't let that dialogue be your own worst critic.
Finally, use positive refutations to block negative associations and to build a strong, healthy self image. For instance, when the thought used in the above paragraph surfaces say to yourself, "You know what? Why am I saying that to myself? I am a stud if there ever was one and Grandma was senile." You will feel better.
While it is good to be aware of and strive to improve our weaknesses, nagging self-criticism is not the answer. Dwelling on your shortcomings will never benefit you. If you must dwell... dwell on a solution.
Brian Gladu
brian@seductionprogram.com
http://www.seductionprogram.com
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