‘Twas the night after Christmas. I was feeling blue. If all Santa’d left you was coal you would, too! That scrofulous spy had found out I’d been bad, And, clearly ticked off by the fun that I’d had had, He’d crammed one small lump in the toe of my stocking With a note: That’s what you get for all your nook knocking! Of course, to be fair, all the stuff on my list Had surely contributed to his being pissed: Cock rings and love oil and Fukuoki fingers, Silk whips and nip clips and rubbers with tinglers, Velveteen wrist cuffs and fine fluffy brushes, And a good strong TENS unit for amperage rushes, Plus a Xandrian coupon for all I’d forgotten. No wonder he considered me nookie besodden! But I couldn't help thinking Saint Nick was a prude Who resented how much fun I had getting screwed.
Well, as I sat simmering in moribund funk, I heard someone rap hard on my door with a thunk! So I rose to my feet and pulled on my Hef robe, Be-slippered my feet, and then doorward I strode. And who should I spy when I opened my door, But a grinning Mrs. Claus! Just one look had me floored! She was sprightly and sexy and slender and lithe And looking like she had just turned twenty-five, With a luscious li’l onion and a pert rack of tits Which were sheathed in a low neckline’d dress with thigh slits. Her hair was not silver but ebony; curls Deliquesced on her cleavage. My robe fell unfurled And quickly I cinched it, a-hastening to hide My stiffening rod, but her quick eyes had spied My growing arousal, and her giggles tinkled About my red cheeks like they’d been sugar-sprinkled. “This is the right place, all right”, I heard her say, “ I knew it when I saw your list yesterday. That grinch has short-shrifted you; he told me so: ‘All that pervert gets is a pebble of coal!’ Well, chin up, my bucko, we’ll soon set that right; You’re gonna be riding in MY sleigh tonight! I’ve long been neglected; that sick twisted elf Has been banging the reindeer instead of myself.” This thought sorely irked her. She sneered and she huffed, Then she brightened. “Look here; I brought all of your stuff!” Then she opened the sack that she had by her feet, And Lo and Behold! It was filled with my treats! “Mrs. Claus, you’re so young,” I heard myself exclaim And lovely! Is Mrs. Claus really your name?” “Oh, that”, she half-muttered with a frown on her brow, “All folks think I’m fat, and an aged old sow, But what they don’t figure when they swallow that shit Is when you’re immortal you don’t age a bit. Now he’s slighted both of us, so let’s us two Set things straight - together. Are you up for it, dude?”
And she stood there all sultry and spicy and nice, With that questioning smirk. “You don’t have to ask twice,” I quickly assured her. “My reddening pole Could certainly do with some Claus coozle hole! Bring it on!” And I hastened to usher her in Not forgetting her sack, and the wonders therein. “It’s so warm here!” she said, “I’m so used to the Pole!” “Could I lose my red dress, if I may be so bold?” “Please do!” I invited, and as it slid down her The bod it revealed was one badass astounder! With bottle cap nipples all jutting and pert, Set on luscious firm jugs. They looked so fine it hurt! And curlicued ringlets bedecked her ripe quim Which looked to be already halfway a-brim. “Now, lose the robe, Tonto, and let’s start to bucking Mrs. Claus direly needs her a good thorough fucking!” “Not so fast, Milady”, I said, “There’s all night, And whatever’s worth doing is worth doing right. Let’s check out the bag; see what’s there to employ In the service of kinky hot orgasmic joy.” But I already knew how I planned to begin: With that yummy TENS unit. And so I reached in And pulling it out of the bag, I smiled. “Yup -- It’s precisely the thing to get you all warmed up.” I checked to be sure that the batteries were fine, Then invited the randy Mrs. Claus to recline. I moistened appropriate parts with my tongue - Her nipples and clit and her rubbery bung - Then I plugged in the leads, and reached for the flux; And with that conductant I coated the cups And attached four electrodes; one affixed to each nip, The third on her G-spot, and the fourth on her clit. I set the controls for max juice and max pulse, Then flipped the switch on. My God, how she convulsed! She started a groan that morphed into a scream As her whole body buckled and her pussy spewed cream. Her wide open mouth looked too good to pass up, So I whipped out my sausage and let Mrs. Claus sup. She took my head in with a jubilant squeak And puffing her rounded and cherubic cheeks She swirled round my dick-head with talented tongue: I thought for a moment I would come undone! Then she deep-throated all of my hard candy cane And rippled her throat till I damn nearly came! I popped myself out and said, “Not till I pleasure My throbbing hot member in your seasoned treasure!” “Don’t forget that great current!” she cried. “It’s intense! “It’s enraptured my loins and bumfuzzled my sense!” So I rewired the leads, placing two in each anus Then completed the circuit, with thrusting most heinous! My God it was marvelous, truly fantastic; We quivered and shuddered and quaked and went spastic. I heard Mrs. Claus whimper…oh, wait…was that me? It was probably both. We were humping with glee: Ringing each other’s Christmas chimes with raucous pounding And grinding of pubes. It was fully astounding! Then ecstatic wave upon wave did cascade me! As Mrs. Claus avalanched, she clutched and she flayed me And her tight cunny milked me, squeezing out every drop: For a while I thought my climax would never stop!
I finally rolled off the sated Mrs. Claus When I finally was able to move at all, Winced at my back scratches, and shut off the TENS: But as I popped the leads, she said, “Oh, please, again!” “I’m sorry, Mrs. Claus,” I replied with regret, “I simply can't manage to continue just yet. I am not immortal and was not deprived: After your mad crazed passion, I’m barely alive! I need me some rest and a bourbon or four So I can catch my breath and be ready for more,” And she answered, “Well, I DO have to make it in Before Santa has finished with his furry friends And sees that I’m missing. But I’ll be seeing you Very soon, you be certain, to ring in Round Two.” So she rose off the floor and she slipped on her dress And she dabbed off her sweat and untangled her tress Then she swayed out the door to her sleigh and took flight, Shouting back, “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow night!”
‘Twas the night before Easter. I was feelin’ funny: I had sudden cravings for some Easter Bunny So I slipped on my slippers so’s not to raise rackets, And hid by a chair with a baited egg basket. The crosses were hung by the icon. I swear That I covered its eyes so its mind would be spared. I was feeling hung too; my tumescence was huge And crammed to its gills with a full quart of sploodge. Well all of a sudden I sensed a sly sneaking And spied past my chair a pink nose that was peeking From under the sofa; then on hoppy legs The Bunny arrived and went straight for the eggs! She was dressed in those ears and that tail like she’d happened To just jaunt on over from Hef’s kinky mansion - All cushy and cottony, dressed in pure white; My member throbbed so that it gave me a fright! I rushed out and pounced on Delectable Bunny And went right to plumbing pink coozle for honey With a heave! And a grunt! And a quite savage thrusting I laid it on Bunny till my nads were busting! I showed her no mercy, no care or restraint, And I split poor Miss Bunny from navel to taint! Well, when I erupted, she let out a squall As the force of my jizm slammed her into the wall All drenched in the buckets and buckets of come That covered her fur and fair flowed from her bum. So, battered and bleeding, my Bunny expired, All soaked and split open. Now I wasn’t tired, But hungry – and as I lay there on my tummy, I thought; why just waste a perfectly good bunny? So I fired up the oven and skinned her and cleaned her Filleted her, de-boned her, and pretty well reamed her; Then chopped up some veggies, got spices and oil, And stuck everything in a pyrex to broil.
Sweet Bunn was delicious; I really must say That she made my mouth water in two ways that day. As I look forward to Christmas (I plan to buy corn So’s to sweeten my roof for a hoof and a horn, And prepare me some boots that I plant to employ Too immobilize hind legs while I rut with joy) I sweetly doth slumber. And dance, it does seem, In visions of deer snatch and venison dreams…