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Topic: Scripture and Myth (Read 1516 times) |
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Hermit
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Scripture and Myth
« on: 2002-03-15 03:47:08 » |
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Materials, real and mythical, relating to the foundation and growth of the CoV
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With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg, 1999
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Hermit
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Posts: 4287
Reputation: 8.94
Rate Hermit
Prime example of a practically perfect person
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Aaaron 1999-10-26
« Reply #1 on: 2002-03-15 03:51:21 » |
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[Dr Sebby suggested] To be narrated by charleton heston:
...and in the 9th month...as the moon was wane, the agassi came amongst us...such a test of our faith we had never before imagined....
chapter excerpt from VII...someone finish it:)
(I kind of visualize more of a Cleese kind of intonation here :-) )
(xxiii) Page after page flowed from this monstrous caviller, as a veritable torrent it poured, deluging the community in the Agassi's teachings of unrighteousness. And as the Agassi saw that his arguments and cajoling availed him not, he issued (xxiv) threats, and warnings, and great volumes of unintelligible spewing, until even the mighty Internet creaked and groaned under the almighty volume, fully forty cubits of data, and a span in diameter. (xxv) The Agassi expounded and extolled and exhorted and extended and all too no avail, for his heart was not pure, yet he had no ears to hear the clamor and the wailing that arose about him for his ear holes were verily stopped up with his own dung. (xxvi) And verily, verily saith I unto thee, that full nineteen score (that were on the mailing list) were sorely confused and amazed at the incantations and deprecations which extolled from the depths of his mighty rectum. And Hermit and others grew wroth, and chastised the Agassi, and shewed that he had no knowledge of physics, and caused the Agassi to rue his birth. Yet, did the Agassi not repent. His imprecations grew stronger and viler and drew down the ire of the gods upon his unseemly utterings.
VIII (i) Then stood forth the mighty Joe, with his knowledge of philosophy, and said in words profound and prophetic that the Agassi kneweth not of what he spake. (ii) And even against logic and reason the Agassi strove, until the Joe, despairing of discovering a living brain cell in the Agassi's head, was reduced to language profane. (iii) Post after post, the Agassi evaded and ignored and edited and employed epistemic methodologies he could not understand and would not spell correctly, saying only that it was written that he had so to do. (iv) On and on ran the inundation, yea verily for more than forty days and forty nights, the Agassi spewed forth. (v) And more and more people unsubscribed to flee the great unrighteousness of the Agassi.
(vi) So great was the Agassi's desire to bemuse and befuddle that he invented an entire philosophic dictionary, and yet he availed not. Lo even the veriest child could perceive that the Agassi was a fool, and so intoxicated with his own droppings was he, that he could neither fathom, nor grasp a point when it was made in terms most certain and clear.
(vii) Then gathered the council of the community, for their hearts were sore that such a great trial should appear in the church, and they besought them an answer to the Agassi which would bring an end to this pernicious blight. (viii) And even while they talked and thought, and thought and talked, the unsubscriptions came forth, as those with little faith and less bandwidth despaired at the blackness of the ways of the Agassi. Yet did the council see that few were drawn into Agassi's evil ways. Nay all his frothing and cursing availed him not.
(ix) Then came forth a plan from out of the midst of the council. And the council examined the plan, and saw that it was good in their eyes. And the plan was to reply not to the Agassi, but to hold their silence. To declare that the unspeakable Agassi should not be spoken to. Yea, even if he rolled his dung into every crevasse, into every pore, into every orifice, that the stink would be his own. (x) And is it not written that by their stench shall you know them. (xi) And again, did not our forbearers* write, there is a time to speak, and a time to be silent, a time to respond, and a time to beat the living shit out of the opposition. A time to write volumes, and a time to ignore them. And they declared the unspeakable Agassi to be that and more. Even as a stinker, and one to be shunned, did they declare him.
(xii) Thus did the ignore flags get raised. (xiii) Member after member did add "agassi@erols.com" to the list of those to be shunned, lest their minds be damaged by the blather. (xiv) Slowly, slowly did the flood subside, and ever more annoyed became the dreadful Agassi. (xv) And a little stillness crept over the CoV, a little quietness came upon the church, and the volume did dwindle and shrank. (xvi) And all this while, did the Agassi continue to rave, and yea, even to rant; sometimes even to belittle and taunt, yea, thus was his reason fled from him. (xvii) Yet the community answered not. (xviii) To the last, the dreadful Agassi began to whimper, and even to cry. Some would say yea, even to whinge. Yet still the community answered not. (xix) Finally, with a gnashing of teeth and a great wailing, he drew sackcloth over his head, and it is said, rolled in ashes to remove the stench from his own nostrils. Yet it availed him not. So, beating his breast he declared himself unloved, and uncherished, and stole off like a thief into the night. Hopefully, never to be seen again in the CoV.
(xx) Leaving, as a final reminder of his overpowering lameness, an unsubscribe sent to the list, instead of the gentle majordomo who answereth the wiseman and the fool with the same unfailing courtesy.
And hear endeth the final reading of the book of Aaron.
Now can we get back to discussing virgins and moonlight etc?
Hermit <g>
* Subsequently we discovered (in the Luvabitch translation) that there were five of them.
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With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg, 1999
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